As of recently, I have been pondering on the question, “ Am I being honest with myself?”. I am not the type of person who deliberately lies, and certainly not to myself. Truth be know, I am one of those appalling people who has serious problems with telling lies. Although I can obviously do it, I have always ended up telling the truth even if it is a while later. If it was not for the fact that I have learned to be tactful, I do not think anyone would want to know me.
Nevertheless, I have been questioning myself about some of the motives I have for some of the things I am doing. I do not want to go father on the journey of what I am reaching for unless I am pursuing precisely what I truly want.
Sure this is Your Dream?
Often we go running up the hill of a challenge telling ourselves that what is at the top is what we want, when in actuality, we have gotten caught up in what someone else has told us. It could have been a sales pitch of sorts or something quite innocently stated by a dear friend. It does not matter which one it was. The point is that you are going up the wrong hill. What you find at the top is not what you want at all.
Motives Gone Amok
One set of my motives I have been thinking about intensely is about this blog of mine. I have been having the worst time getting my motives on the right track. Somehow I keep on switching to the track of gains that I really do not want to pursue.
People all over are telling or being told that success should be what you want it to be. Then these same people proceed to tell or closely listen to how public knowledge of self and riches can be made by this so-called success that must be pursued.
I know better than to fall for those stings, yet when the words seem so sincere and are coming from someone who appears to be so happy, I get hooked.
Obviously, I am feeling like a fool.
Although my husband and I are pinching pennies until they squeal, neither one of us are wishing and hoping that we had more money to spend. In fact, if we have more money, we would not know what to spend it on once we paid the monthly bills. Moreover, both of us like our solitude. The last thing we want is any sort of fame.
This is Me
All the pink you are seeing here is not me. I am just not a very pink female. Now that I think about it, I do not think I have a favorite color. My point is that I do not like the colors of my blog. Nor do I think I like the flower as part of my logo. In addition to not being a pink hag, I am also not a flower one either.
I am all for personal/self growth, but really now, how much can one talk about in this area? If I was writing a text book on the topic, sure, there is much more to say. With blogging 
though, it is not a good idea to get highly technical on any subject. I still have some things to say about self growth, but I want to discuss other things here as well. What do you think about the tag line saying, ‘Probing into the Inferences of Life’?
I love exploring. I feel the excitement build up in me as I poke around to see what is new or unusual. This fits my personality too. This is something that definitely can be done solo, but at the same time, can be shared with others. I can become the queen of information about nothing in particular.
Last Thoughts
The more I think about making these changes, the more enthusiastic I become. It will be such a relief not to worry about what the traffic stats are looking like, not to keep on trying to think of ways to make money with this blog, and, most important, to show you, the reader who I really am. Watch out!
Do any of you think I am off my rocker? Are you being honest with yourself?
Bring in your thoughts and opinions. I promise to reply. 
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1st image: psyberartist | 2nd image: photo credit: Lst1984 via photopin cc
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2013/02/02 at 10:59 am
I don’t think you’re off your rocker and I think your blog should be what you want it to be, without the pressures of society or demands of family/friends (which I’ve faced in the past “don’t blog about this” or “hey, you should blog about that”.)
As for me.. telling a lie to others is nearly impossible. I wear my heart on my sleeve. It’s something I never outgrew or was able to control from childhood. My face is too expressive. I literally can feel the muscles changing on my face when dealing out a lie. So, I try my hardest to stick to the truth. It’s easier that way
As for telling a lie to myself… I think that happens the most when I don’t listen to my gut instincts. I second guess myself if I don’t have proof, but I know I know but can’t prove it and it drives me crazy or people around me will say, “Oh, that’s just being silly.” Then, later the proof arrives a little too late… I’ve learned to listen to my instincts as much as possible now.
But on the subject of lies and stretching it past the individual… I’m furious with the media. Greg’s niece’s and her fiance’s home were broken into with 4 armed men. The media tagged it as being “drug related” because that sounds better during the Mardi Gras/Superbowl season than stating that there was a gang that broke into an innocent home in the suburbs. Her fiance was shot multiple times, staples in his head, bullet through is leg, another one in his intestines. This is a young couple that just moved into the neighborhood (our neighborhood) 5 months ago and have wedding plans for May. Her husband works for a company that automatically does monthly alcohol and drug screening, so I know darn good and well that he doesn’t do drugs. And Greg’s niece had brain surgery, due to a tumor, about a year ago. She doesn’t take drugs, there’s no way she would chance her health with all she has survived. So for the media to take this misleading method just boils my blood… and people wonder why I don’t trust a damn thing the media reports? It’s lies… worse than a politician. They are supposed to report the truth. Instead, they shun it. Sorry, I’m off the soap box.
Aleta recently posted…Asking for Prayers
2013/02/02 at 4:05 pm
That’s awful what happened to your and Greg’s niece and fiance. Something similar happened to me and the rest of the kids in my high school. At the time, all of us were enormously angry. Even now, when I think about it, I can feel the sting.
Thank you for the morale support, Aleta.
I hope you are well and in good spirits. It isn’t long now until it’s your time.
2013/02/04 at 12:17 am
Hi Glynis,
Keep experimenting. You will find your place if you keep looking. Use your own rules.
Be good to yourself
David
2013/02/04 at 9:09 am
Thank you for the support, David. I treasure your visits here at my blog. They seem to come when I need the extra encouragement.
Last night, I went browsing through Google using the keywords, blogs about life. I was amazed at how many people have taken on similar quests as mine. That nudging feeling of loneliness vanished as I read a few of them. The idea of having a specific niche is no longer plaguing my mind.